I’ve been mentioning my interest in Tantra here and there lately, and I want to share what I’ve been learning because I think it’s really amazing. When I say I’m interested in Tantra, I think most people assume I’ve been learning about crazy Kama Sutra moves, but this is actually not the case at all. From what I understand so far, Tantra is a lot less about doing and a lot more about being.
Essentially, Tantra is just another way of connecting to the Universe and the Divine part of yourself. In its purpose, it’s no different than meditation, chanting, yoga, or any other mindfulness process. Where as most of the techniques involve having a spiritual experience on your own, Tantra uses physical and energetic contact with another person to reach this state of bliss and oneness.
As with the other techniques, Tantra has the potential to seem complicated. When I first started looking into it, I was a bit overwhelmed and started reading about things like the Breath Orgasm- things that seemed like they involved complicated processes and years to master. But then I realized that it was actually so simple, and all that it required was a willingness to calm the mind, move into the sensations in your body, and let go (I said it was simple, not necessarily easy!).
Tantra, like meditation, yoga, etc., is something that is meant to be a way of life, not just something you spend an hour on each day. The purpose of meditation isn’t to quiet your mind for a few minutes and then return to chaotic thinking. Yoga isn’t about doing a physical exercise for the duration of a class, and Tantra isn’t about having really good sex. They are all about cultivating a sense of peace in yourself and oneness with the Universe and allowing this to transform the way you live.
Tantra reminds us that ecstasy is our true nature. We are meant to be able to easily tap into joy, love, pleasure, and reverence for the Divine Energy (or God, Universe, Higher Power, whatever you’d like to call it). However, most of us have forgotten that we’re meant to live this way. We’re stressed, we’re rushed, we over analyze, and we don’t live in the present moment. Because we spend so much time living in our heads, we’ve forgotten what it feels like to live in our bodies. In Tantra, you begin to bring your awareness back to your body, and it’s like your body begins to thaw and reawaken. You feel subtle things that you couldn’t feel before.
The way most of us have sex is very intense and goal oriented. We’re pretty much on a mission to have an orgasm and to make sure our partner has one too. If you think of a Yin Yang sign, our sex is generally very Yang. This is the masculine energy, meaning it’s action and goal oriented, fiery, and intense. A perfect example of this is Samantha’s sex scenes in Sex and the City!
On the flip side of Yang energy is Yin, or feminine energy. Feminine energy is slow, passive, receptive- it’s the energy of allowing. When we switch our sex (and our life) to a more receptive and allowing energy, we allow the things to happen without trying to force them.
In our society, we’re so intent on making stuff happen. Tantra reminds us that if we get out of our own way, things can happen naturally on their own. A Tantric orgasm, for example, happens when we are deeply relaxed, rather than trying to actively make it happen.
Ideally, Tantra is something that two people engage in together; however, it doesn’t have to be. As long as you make the conscious decision to take a more feminine and passive approach to sex, your partner doesn’t even need to know you’re doing it. Instead of being all in your head, wondering how you look, how they’re feeling, what you should be doing differently or if they’ll call the next day, you can turn your energy inward and just focus on the sensations, however dramatic or subtle, that are going on in your body. Drop the idea of having a goal (i.e. orgasm) and just allow yourself to enjoy whatever it is that you’re feeling. Basically: Be present.
Like I said, I’m new to this! I’m by no means an expert (but how fun would it be if I was one day!?). If you want to learn more about Tantra, my favourite books on the subject so far are The Heart of Tantric Sex, Tantric Orgasm for Women, and Tantric Awakening.
Let me know if you have any questions and I’ll do my best to answer them or point you in the right direction! Above all, enjoy and have fun